Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Kill the liar, kill the thief in me...


I know that I am tired of their cruelty. Breathe into my spirit, breath into my veins...until only love remains.



I know that if you follow me on Instagram or on Facebook, you are wondering why this isn't a post about some gorgeously awesome thrift store finds I spray painted...

Well, I just got out of the shower. As women, it seems that its in the shower that we straighten our thoughts out-and that's exactly what I did. 

To be honest, I have been having a super crappy week. Not that anything is really going wrong-but I am having that "lonely" feeling again. Feeling extremely rejected and not sure I know why.

If you have been reading my blog for any length of time you know that I live in a small town where I feel like I don't fit in. I don't have anywhere or anyone to do play dates with, and I don't have that friend I can call on to pray when I feel like I am losing my mind. No girl's night out, and no one to watch my kids so I can have a date night with the hubs (or vice versa!) This has really been a struggle since I had my babies. Being in the house alone day in and day out can really putting a wrecking ball through the mind and heart. 

I try to be content.
I try to love where I am.
I try to love that I get spend so much time with my husband and children.
I try to count my blessings daily.
I try not to be so darn blasted frustrated that my closest friend lives 2 hours away.

So why does it still bother me so?
Why does it bother me that we don't get asked out for dinner, or people don't accept our invitations to come over?
Why does it hurt that I don't get invited ANYWHERE with ANYONE except family?
Why do I feel so angry and God, because I feel like He's not listening to my prayers for a friend?

I honestly don't know the answer to any of this, but I think it goes back to this song (which I hope you have listened to by now). I need to learn how to love like Jesus. He is really pushing this topic on me lately. 

If I can't love like Jesus, I can't represent Him-period.

Part of me feels like the Lord is putting a guard up around me  until I figure this concept out. Maybe I need to be closer to Him before I can get close to anyone else?

There is so much hurt and gunk going on in my head and heart...

Six years of loneliness sucks. 

I am trying beyond myself to seek out what God wants me to learn here-but I keep getting pulled back into the issue of love

Everywhere I go I feel like I am challenged on how I love other people. I am learning more and more how shallow and selfish this world is becoming. Being a person who does for others gets you put on a pedestal in life because generosity is becoming extinct. Loving someone even though they have screwed up is unheard of. It's all about what we can get out of every relationship. We drop friendships and even marriages when they become too hard, too boring, too complicated or too painful. 

"Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." 1 Corinthians 13:7

In my own heart, I tend to SHOW love to people when they accept me. When I feel like I am rejected by someone-I typically just move on. 

What is Jesus acted the way that I do?

Where would 99.9%  of the world be?

Hmm...not sure where I was going with this post-but I do feel better.


****Tomorrow will have my thrifting post as well as my hair cut pic. Trying to figure out how to use my phone as my primary camera at the moment. The pics come out great on Facebook-crappy on here. 
Any tips?



 



11 comments:

  1. Dominique, my heart cries out for you as I read this. You are such a true blessing to people you meet. You are beautiful, strong, passionate and Godly....even if you don't feel that way, you are. I feel very blessed to know you and I wish so deeply that I could help you find that "place" you are looking for. Please know that I am always here, I know I don't have babies now but I can always be a kind ear or shoulder if you need one.

    Continue to seek out God's will and He will show you...unfortunately it's in His time and not ours. Sometimes you just need to "be", that may be the lesson He is showing you right now.

    I love you Jesus Girl....REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Although I am not a stay at home mom just test, I know exactly where you are coming from. I feel so often that my lonelyness is a fault of my own, that for some reason I am not capable of making friends who want to stick with me through thick and thin, but like you said I am then reminded how selfish our society is. I hope that this hardship will pass and you will find someone in your town who has kids your children's age who is also looking for play dates and a friend!
    ~Clara

    ReplyDelete
  3. I know how you feel! I get super lonely during the week! None of my friends live very close. I am lucky because once in a while they make the drive here when they have days off work since they don't have kids, but I could sure use a local friend with a baby/babies! The days drag ooonnn annd ooonnn and it can really get depressing. Why don't we live near each other?!?!?! haha I guess a blog friend is better than no friend!

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  4. I am so sorry to hear this. You seem like an amazing person and someone that I would definitely love to hang out with. It stinks that we do not live in the same town.

    <3

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  5. I am so... sorry to hear that you feel that way. I too have been going through a few rough patches in my life, where I feel alone and wonder what direction the Lord is carrying me in life.I took come from a small place so I can relate to you. But I remind myself of Gods promises,
    “Never will I leave you;
    never will I forsake you.”Hebrews 13:5
    God is preparing for something much greater!! You don't know how you inspired me. You are a blessed woman of God!!

    ReplyDelete
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