I know that I am tired of their cruelty. Breathe into my spirit, breath into my veins...until only love remains.
I know that if you follow me on Instagram or on Facebook, you are wondering why this isn't a post about some gorgeously awesome thrift store finds I spray painted...
Well, I just got out of the shower. As women, it seems that its in the shower that we straighten our thoughts out-and that's exactly what I did.
To be honest, I have been having a super crappy week. Not that anything is really going wrong-but I am having that "lonely" feeling again. Feeling extremely rejected and not sure I know why.
If you have been reading my blog for any length of time you know that I live in a small town where I feel like I don't fit in. I don't have anywhere or anyone to do play dates with, and I don't have that friend I can call on to pray when I feel like I am losing my mind. No girl's night out, and no one to watch my kids so I can have a date night with the hubs (or vice versa!) This has really been a struggle since I had my babies. Being in the house alone day in and day out can really putting a wrecking ball through the mind and heart.
I try to be content.
I try to love where I am.
I try to love that I get spend so much time with my husband and children.
I try to count my blessings daily.
I try not to be so darn blasted frustrated that my closest friend lives 2 hours away.
So why does it still bother me so?
Why does it bother me that we don't get asked out for dinner, or people don't accept our invitations to come over?
Why does it hurt that I don't get invited ANYWHERE with ANYONE except family?
Why do I feel so angry and God, because I feel like He's not listening to my prayers for a friend?
I honestly don't know the answer to any of this, but I think it goes back to this song (which I hope you have listened to by now). I need to learn how to love like Jesus. He is really pushing this topic on me lately.
If I can't love like Jesus, I can't represent Him-period.
Part of me feels like the Lord is putting a guard up around me until I figure this concept out. Maybe I need to be closer to Him before I can get close to anyone else?
There is so much hurt and gunk going on in my head and heart...
Six years of loneliness sucks.
I am trying beyond myself to seek out what God wants me to learn here-but I keep getting pulled back into the issue of love.
Everywhere I go I feel like I am challenged on howI love other people. I am learning more and more how shallow and selfish this world is becoming. Being a person who does for others gets you put on a pedestal in life because generosity is becoming extinct. Loving someone even though they have screwed up is unheard of. It's all about what we can get out of every relationship. We drop friendships and even marriages when they become too hard, too boring, too complicated or too painful.
"Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." 1 Corinthians 13:7
In my own heart, I tend to SHOW love to people when they accept me. When I feel like I am rejected by someone-I typically just move on.
What is Jesus acted the way that I do?
Where would 99.9% of the world be?
Hmm...not sure where I was going with this post-but I do feel better.
****Tomorrow will have my thrifting post as well as my hair cut pic. Trying to figure out how to use my phone as my primary camera at the moment. The pics come out great on Facebook-crappy on here.